Azerbaijan – Love at First Sight

Before I arrived in Azerbaijan, I spent five days in Switzerland, training for the job I do here. Didn’t have much time to walk and get to know the surroundings, but even that little was enough to realize that – it was the promised land – but to someone else.

I walked by Lake Lucerne and looked in the windows of shops that were closed, even though it was Saturday morning. Only came across one supermarket that was opened, to buy some chocolate. The village was beautiful, nature amazing, people answered with a smile on the street.

Despite all that….Boring.

On the way to the Zurich airport, I observed the surroundings. Everything seemed so weighted and taut, no disorder, no chaos. Everything was exactly as drawn as if the trees were growing according to the assignment perfectly regularly and in the autumn colors established by the procedure. At times I expected purple cows to appear from chocolate wrappers. No, those cows there were still quite ordinary Swiss cows, completely unaware of the fact that they had the unusually happy fate of grazing on the green meadows of the postcards. In fact, the entire time I was there, had the impression that I had walked into a postcard, but those wonderful November colors could not awaken my senses or feelings. The experience was like a dish that looked perfect on the plate, beautifully arranged, but without a single spice when you tasted it.

I was brought to the airport by a Mercedes S class, driven by a perfectly clean-shaven and polished driver. Switzerland and I said goodbye to each other there, with a very cold shakehand.

And then I arrived in Azerbaijan.

As soon as I saw the man who was going to drive me, everything was clear. Nothing like a perfectly tailored suit or even a Mercedes. A local guy in a yellow jacket reluctantly held a sign with the hotel logo where I will be working. When I waved at him and smiled, he just remained serious and took over the trolley with the suitcases. He put them in a vehicle that reminded me of a Lada and then sped off through the Bakuan thick fog. I wondered how he could drive so fast in such low visibility.

What I noticed in my waking moments were hills with almost no vegetation. However, as we progressed, vegetation began to appear. This time again fields, cows, but these here were somehow less polished and seemed more modest, although they had much more freedom. While the Swiss ones neatly kept to the fields (who knows, maybe they have some ID to register before entering the pasture), these ones crossed the road we were driving on, without caring that they didn’t belong there. It’s like they think – I don’t care, I don’t know when I’m going to end up under a butcher’s knife anyway. There were also sheep that occasionally went out on the road.

When we got a little further from the city, the fog lifted. I wanted to look at the scenery, but at times sleep would overcome me because I had been traveling all night.

The greenery around the road seemed shaggy and untidy, like a shepherdess that doesn’t care about a comb, unaware of how beautiful she is in this pure, natural state.

And I immediately liked Azerbaijan with all its imperfections. I was glad that it was my destination and not Switzerland. It kind of reminded me of my country, just as shaggy, wayward, and unique.

Time will tell if the feeling is right.

Six years later

I completely forgot this blog until today, when I found it in the folder called “My Websites”. Got an interesting idea to write here again. Have a good reason for that.

There is one important thing that I missed during my life in the United Arab Emirates, and it was a job. Somehow, I didn’t have real experience of living abroad without working there, being more with people, knowing more people, and interacting with them. Especially because for me, living and working among people from other cultures was something really interesting. It is an opportunity to learn a lot, about others, and about myself, too. The reason why I am writing here again is that this wish has come true, in a completely unexpected way.

This time, I am in a very interesting country, Azerbaijan. Have a job, work with people from other cultures, and learn a lot about them, about myself. The most important lesson I have learned is this: there are no limitations, except those we create ourselves. I got this job at the age of 55. Left my country again, for a new adventure. And let’s see if there will be an inspiration to write about this experience. It will be if I realize that someone is reading this. If not, it will probably be forgotten again, for years.

Let’s see.

Two years later

I am back. Two years and one divorce later, I am back. With big discovery. I am not that introverted as I thought I am.

I started this blog with the intention to improve my writing skills, but also wanted to know would I be different if post anonymously. I don’t know about writing, but I know for sure that I am the same one on my other blogs and here. No point to hide, but let’s continue and see, maybe something will change. Some things did.

So, what happened? Seems life in Dubai was not for me. Even though I had a wonderful marriage,  something was missing. I didn’t have a job, friends and social life. It would be ok for a decent introvert to enjoy such a life with plenty of time for reading, shopping, cooking and learning, but day after day, week after week….it became really tough. The smile on my face disappeared. I became depressed, anxious and not so pleasant company. It is so interesting: when I was single, the most important thing for me was to find a significant other. There was no other thing so important. But when I found significant other, I realized that life is consisting of many significant parts and the significant other is a part of that.

Now when I am back, in my country, with my family and friends and with all experience I gained, I realized that I enjoy the presence of other people. These three years of being alone the whole day, waiting for my husband to come home from work were a great lesson for me. I learned a lot about myself.  Started to search what is hiding in my shadow and my discoveries weren’t that pleasant. But, this is my journey. The good part of that journey is that I met some great people and made new friends now when I am back. Still struggle to find my path, my mission, and my purpose, but still have a fate that is going to happen.

Somehow, this is the reason why we are here, on this planet.  To grow through our experiences and try to become better people. And we can’t do this without other people. That was my lesson. One of many.

Something interesting happened today. I watched a video about people who were asked what they will be when grow up. They were confused…they are already adults and didn’t get the question. But actually, the question was about dreams, do they still have dreams to pursue as they had when they were children. I wanted to share this video, and wrote my comment: “When I grow up, I want to be a bird. With huuuuuuge wings”. But hours later I realized that for some reason the video wasn’t shared, only my comment was there. I was searching in history to find that video and share it again (with more success) but it disappeared! I was confused, this comment without a video clip was the same as a wrap for the gift without the gift. But the responses were really interesting, so people didn’t realize that any gift was supposed to be there…

Sometimes life makes a trap like this. To make us confused, incomplete, and even stupid. But there are lessons to be learned through the confusion, incompleteness, and stupidity. This is how we grow, how we learn to fly with huge wings. That was my life in UAE. Something that made me feel like that. But I am grateful for that experience, it enriched me in many ways. And, if you were so persistent and read this post till the end, I am grateful to you, too, dear reader.

Surprise on the balcony

After an unusual discovering  of the nature in the middle of artificial city, I was thinking about the lessons we learn from paradoxes. This kind of lectures I like the most, because they teach that nothing is as appears at the first sight. I was deep in these thoughts, when noticed something unusual is going on on my balcony. A pair of turtle doves were in our flowerpot with Bougainvillea. Just a few hours later, one of them was already brooding.

Between this flowerpot and our living room is only 20cm distance, with a glass door that separates the living room from the balcony, so I have had a great view of what is happening there. Soon I was googling about turtle doves and how long it takes to have a new little bird in my neighborhood. It was 2 weeks, so after that time I was very impatient. But somehow, in a moment, there were no egg and no nestling. The nest was empty. I don’t know what happened. Maybe some predator took the egg, or little bird didn’t survive, so turtle dove removed dead egg from the nest. Later that day, turtle-dove came and made a few circles at the nest, and flew away. I was so disappointed and felt some sadness because I used to have this unusual company during my day. The turtle dove was always aware of me, I would say. Every time when I was next to the glass door, I had an impress that she looked at me with a tiny bit of her eye.

Four or five days later the turtle-dove was here again. What a nice surprise! This time there were two eggs in the nest. I was very careful, didn’t want the same result, so I was trying not to come every 5 minutes to check what’s going on. Two weeks later, the turtle-dove was still on her nest, without moving. It was little strange because I expected little birds by that time. Soon my husband discovered them under their mother. She covered them with her body, so we couldn’t see them. When finally the turtle-dove flew away, we saw two cute, fluffy nestlings that were shaking, for the first time without their mother around, but she came back quickly. Feeding is the most interesting thing in the whole story. They are so hungry! They push their beaks deep into mother’s, voraciously searching for a food. Actually, the turtle dove has a gland that produces a liquid and this is nestling’s food for the first five days. After that time they start to eat worms, insects and seeds. During the incubation period, I noticed that both, male and female equally were sitting on the eggs, and later bringing the food. They shifted mostly when there were no witnesses around, in other words – me.

Little birds are ten days old now. They grow up so quickly, so every day when I take photos, they are different. In a few days, they will fly away, and maybe their parents will decide to have a new generation in the same nest. I would like so, because this is a rare opportunity to watch a wild animals that are so close, to have an insight into their amazing life. Day after day, the nestlings are stronger and it is so funny to watch them practicing flying in the nest.  Even if they are not so big, their wings are long. So, they spread their wings and quickly wag as they are checking if everything works.

Soon, they will go, but I am happy they chose our balcony to make a nest. Maybe they felt a positive energy around and instinctively decided that it is a safe place for them. I would like if this is the truth.

A nature in a new clothes

The most of the changes bring something that we like, and something we don’t like. When I moved to UAE the only thing I knew I don’t like is the distance from my family and friends. Everything else seemed to be better. But soon I discovered the noticeable lack of the nature and greenery that I used to. Huge trees, grass, flowers, forests… Are  so common in my country, so I didn’t think that here may be different. Of course, there are so many parks, palms and flowers here too, but that all was somehow…  Too artificial to me. I didn’t expect that I’ll change my mind soon.

When we moved to Dubai from Abu Dhabi, one of the tasks was to find a nice beach, our shelter on a weekends. A few beaches in the neighborhood were not what we expected, so it was necessary to keep searching the more distant places. After some time, we discovered Al Mamzar park with 5 wonderful beaches, and lot of greenery. When we spent only one day there, it was enough to realize that we finally found our place. I can’t say when is more magic there: during the day, when from the sea I can see our place with a few palms around, as we are somewhere on a lonely island in the middle of nowhere, or when the sun goes down, or in the evening when everything has completely different dynamics.  The sea is calm, voices are far away, and again that feeling that we are alone in this world. After a delightful day, when we go back, a park has a new magic again. With so many people around, sitting on the grass, kids playing and so many colors… Everything is same as we are in the middle of a fairy tale. In a moment I have had a feeling that people will start flying on their rugs.

In only one day, we have four realities. First one is everyday life, the moment when we’re at home. Second one is a beach during the day and feeling of small isolated island, even with people around. The beach is so spacious that you can have only your space there and feeling that you are alone. Third is a beach in the night, and the last one is the park full of people. Every of these realities has its own life. And when we are coming back to the first reality, it needs a time to be again there, because the difference between our peaceful shelter and a traffic jam a few minutes later is really huge.

So, I finally got back my nature, this time through completely new experience. I have always had a wish to live next to the sea, but didn’t know it is so good. Even if I miss that wonderful Mediterranean smell from time to time, still it is amazing. And the most beautiful thing is experience with mixing realities. It gives me some special kind of energy, combined with inspiration and gratitude.

But the real surprise was waiting for me a few weeks later. A nature decided to come back into my life in an amazing way I didn’t expect.  And this part deserves a new post.

 

Leibster award, to be or not to be

I have been nominated for the Leibster award by Before Sundown blog and I want to say: thank you Christine. Christine’s blog is a place where you feel same as you come into the house of really kind host. After retirement, she decided to do what she likes the most: to be a writer. Until her books are finished, we’ll enjoy in her writing on Crhristine’s blog.

Usually, the next thing should be to say a few words about Leibster award, then list the rules, followed by answers and questions for  new nominees. But, this post will be a little different and I want to say something about it. After nomination, the first thing was to see how many followers I can nominate, because I am new here and I didn’t expect to meet the criteria. So, even the rules are not that strict, and I could include some followers, I  was not sure what to do. This is one of the typical situation where introverts are faced with a social challenge and don’t know how to react. We would somehow jump out of it, if possible.  And it is not about other people, it’s about us. So, I decided what to do. Just to be honest, and write this post.

This situation reminds me of one I had a long time ago. When I got married, my grandmother and grandfather wanted to make a welcome dinner for my mother and father in law. It was the first time that they was coming into their house, so my grandmother made a meal that was prepared only in a very special ocassions: a codfish. Even if we all were same nationality, we were from different parts of the country, so customs are also different. My mother and father in law didn’t taste a codfish before, and if you have ever tried it, you know how specific smell and taste meals with codfish have. So, my grandma and grandpa wanted to show high respect to the guests, but guests…Couldn’t even try. It was just too smelly for them. Later, it was an interesting anecdote to make mention of it, but at that moment it was an uncomfortably situation for both sides, though all of them had a good intentions.

With this award is the same thing. We all have a good intention, but we are just a bit different and have a different receptiveness.  When I was Googling for more information about Leibster award I found that some people were delighted by nomination, some were not. This is the reason why a nominators often say that it’s ok if nominee doesn’t accept the award. But somehow, if I don’t accept it, it means I refuse it, and this is not the truth. I don’t refuse anything. I just have a different view.

 I know I could just thank for the award and skip any explanation. But I didn’t want to do it. I want to say what I think about this. One more reason why I wrote this post is that I really appreciate Christine’s effort and good wishes she has for newbie bloggers, and the efforts of other bloggers who take a part with the nomination of their colleagues.  So I want to make an effort from my side too, but on my way. Well, I know it’s often a different way than expected, but it is always honest and with respect.

Exhausted willpower

I was always thinking that something is wrong with willpower.  There are so many quotes about the power of willpower, but it just doesn’t work every time when we need it. An anecdote I heard a long time ago is one of the best when I think about it.

A famous writer and painter from my country was also famous as a person who likes to drink a lot. He was an old type of bohemian and a big part of his life he had spent in the pubs and taverns. A favorite street of many artists of that time was a street where taverns were it the row, one after another. Well, it happened that one day our writer decided not to drink any more. He passed by one tavern, and another, and one more. He passed by all taverns in the street. When he reached the last one, he was so happy that he missed all these places, and decided to congratulate himself.  With a big, good drink in the last tavern.

I think many of us know this “last tavern ” feeling when we are trying something so hard, but at the end we just don’t have strength any more. The problem is that some people feel really bad about it, as they are too weak. And this definitely is not good. We all have weak points, and weak point doesn’t mean a weak person. I see this problem often when people struggle with weight loss. The challenge with willpower is that we have limited amount of it, and we use it for self-control and for making decisions in all areas of our life. It is not strange that in some moment our willpower just breaks down. This explanation was given by Roy Baumeister and this his about willpower is really good. I was about to explain the whole story, but he will do it much better.

Discipline without “must”

Is this possible?

I have a special occasion to write about discipline. A year ago, I started with practice to write 1000 words every day. I was reading a book “Becoming a Writer” by Dorothea Brande. This is an old book, but a good one about creative writing. The best tip from this book is to get up earlier every day, and before every other activity start to write. This should be the first thing in the morning, before the coffee, newspapers, radio, TV, internet or anything else. The reason is after awakening we are still connected to our unconscious mind, and this is the place where our best stories lie.

She also said that we have to set a special part of the afternoon when we’ll let every other activity and start to write. I have started with both, morning and afternoon writing, but soon I realized this is too much. Knowing myself, it will be great if I write every morning for some time. I really didn’t expect to write a whole year. I have 370,079 words written so far, and 484 word pages. Somehow, for a short time it became so natural thing, a part of a daily routine that makes me feel good. It is something like morning hygiene, but this is a kind of inside cleaning. At this moment, I can’t imagine not to write when open my eyes.

Is this a discipline, or something else?

Well….I am not a fan of the “must” word.  So, I never make any kind of pressure on myself. I needed a long time to learn that. The only thing I need for being disciplined is a high motivation. In that case, I have enough fuel for everything I want to do. If I really want. If not, nothing helps. For example, no chance to be disciplined to work out. I have started so many times again and again, and it was never more than a few months of regular exercises. Even if I know all benefits of it, nothing. Sometimes I make a joke and tell my husband to take my fitbit for a walk, to make more steps. Even this little thing didn’t help about motivation.

So, if I look this “work out” side of me, I would say I am not a disciplined person. But when I see all these pages I wrote, then it can’t be the truth. At the end, everything is about motivation, and a discipline is just a tool that helps us to achieve some result. Discipline alone, with strong “must” and without motivation is only useless torture.

Now we’ll see how persistent I’ll be in everyday writing here on the blog and will I have enough motivation for this. It could be a good intro for the next word: willpower.

Unplugged from the Earth

I was thinking not to write here about health and health related topics. Seems I became a little tired after all these years diving over and over through so many books and articles about health and nutrition. But after I watched this documentary, I just couldn’t resist, it was too good.

Documentary “Origins” reminds us how disconnected we became from the nature and our roots. Influenced by the media and common lifestyle today, we think that we need so many things to survive. But actually, we need only 4 things: a shelter, water, fire and food. Everything else are wants, nothing else. But we are somehow convinced that all we want, we need.

A human race is an important part of huge ecosystem. We live in a symbiosis with other creatures on the Earth. If one part of this unity uses other parts, it is not symbiosis any more, it is a parasitism. Well, something like this we are doing to our planet and as more people are aware of it, better. Sooner we’ll do something to change it. I am really glad that more and more people think about this and this is the reason why I want to share this movie. The message has to be sent as far as possible. This is for our good, and for good of next generations.

The movie is for free, and also many interviews will be available for free in a few days. If you are health-oriented, I recommend this, it’s really good.

http://origins.well.org/

Runaway Friday

A few years ago, I wrote a short story about all days in a week, as all have a human traits. Friday was an interesting one. In the cultures where weekend days are Saturday and Sunday, Friday is a favorite day. I see Friday as a cool guy who knows how popular he is. The way how he walks, or smiles, shows his inquestionable charm. That „Friday feeling“ is sooo good. A workweek is finished, two days in front of us are so promising. Monday looks a years away.

But here, in the Middle East it’s a bit different. Friday IS a weekend day, so the same role should be designed for Thursday. But somehow, it is never same as this charming Friday. Thursday is just a Thursday, even as a day before the weekend. Why? I can’t explain.

Seems this charming Friday didn’t want to write about him, so he ran away too fast. I realized that- on Saturday.